Why Social Media is Ruining Your Life by Katherine Ormerod

Author:Katherine Ormerod
Language: eng
Format: mobi, pdf, epub
Publisher: Octopus
Published: 2018-09-20T03:00:00+00:00

Chapter 5:

Why Social Media is Ruining Motherhood

Of all the sticks women beat themselves with, perhaps the thorniest of all is that of needing to be a “good” mother. While new narratives around choices of childlessness are breaking through, it’s still a truism that the vast majority of women will, at some point, become mothers. Indeed, at the last count of British women turning 45 in 2016, 82 per cent had at least 1 child. While parenting manuals may fall in and out of fashion, discussions around IVF might trend and debates around the pros and cons of different types of birth will rage on, motherhood remains fetishized, scrutinized and pressurized across the globe. Invariably reflecting the issues of society at large, social media has an unsurprisingly complicated track record when it comes to the challenges women go through along the many stages of parenthood.

Polished, pretty and relentlessly positive, the aspirational cult of social media “mama-hood” isn’t fundamentally much more than an updated version of her Stepford sister. OK, she may have ditched the Betty Draper nipped-in waists for head-to-toe Isabel Marant bohemia, and her home might be stacked with tasteful Californian casual décor rather than chintz. She might even go on a Women’s March. But the sanitized, yet oh-so-stylish, version of what a mother could look like, projected apparently effortlessly across Pinterest, Instagram and Facebook, can be enough to crush the morale of even the most adept of new mums. Organic weaning, matching alpaca sweaters (for your brood of five, no less), tousled beachy hair, “snapped-back” bodies and prolific outdoorsy activities combine to make Gwyneth Paltrow look like a runner-up in the perfection stakes. This is motherhood as a beauty advertising campaign, a staged glorification, both impenetrable and immaculate. And it’s a standard which entirely masks the messy, weary and at times monotonous reality which every mother trudges through. It also elevates a sense of complete maternal sacrifice – and idea that with your baby’s birth you too have been reborn as a different person without the interests, passions and achievements which once made you the person you were. What you are is a mother; it’s your only definition. When we talk about being sold a fantasy on social media, the mama “glow” really takes the proverbial biscuit.

Motherhood, especially the first time around and in its earliest days, can be a time of intense vulnerability for many women. It’s also a period which has been highlighted by researchers and psychologists as being particularly treacherous for dealing with some of social media’s most pernicious pressures. When we’re already sleep deprived and disassociated from our bodies, social comparison and feelings of inadequacy have the potential to rupture self-esteem and identity, and threaten our mental state.

More than a third of British mothers will experience mental health issues related to parenthood, and while social media can provide support in the form of community groups related to pretty much anything you can imagine across the motherhood gamut, it can also put women under even more stress to compete with each other.

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